Wednesday, May 14, 2008

how do i slow time?

these first few weeks have been absolutely wonderful.....we are adjusting beautifully to being a family of five. blake contines to be a huge help and since i took it so easy the first two weeks, i am feeling very refreshed and healed and ready to get back to semi-normal routine--which is already pretty laid-back.

George and and George. what can i say...we love each other. last week i was sitting my rocking chair with tears welling in my eyes, so full of love and thinking "does he love me as much as i love him??" but its clear.....the feeling is mutual. it seems even my smell comforts him. he is a very mild-mannered baby up to this point. i think all temperments of babies are "good' and should be respected (i think the question "is he a good baby?" is ludacris.....some babies are high-need and others are less high-need but one is not more "good" than the other.) but George has surprised me. the way he acted in the womb worried me: very responsive and seemingly rambunctious--i thought FOR SURE he was going to give Mayan run for her money. but i think i mistook the "responsiveness" for high energy. when infact he is so-far very responsive just to me. he doesn't fuss much, but when he does get upset, its like zero to 60 in no time flat--just quiet to suddenly crazy wailing. but all i have to do is pick him up and he immediately soothes. he tolerates others holding him for a little bit, but will get fussy and again, quiets immediately when i take him. none of my other babies were ever this responsive to my presence/touch. i can easily put him to sleep with some strokes on the head or just being snuggled in my arms. the girls needed so much more work! Mayan demanded boob almost constantly and would cry bloody murder if you took the nipple out of her mouth or put her down even in a deep sleep. Isadore was easier to put down and would fall asleep on her own early on, but still was a mystery in the evenings during what many families call "happy hour"--that 2 hour evening period of unconsolable crying that had no explanation. knock on wood, George is just really chill and we are very connected, i feel, much deeper and sooner than i felt with the girls. i mean, i was IN LOVE with the girls as newborns and could not stop gazing at them....maybe my memory fades, but it feel so deep with my new boy.

is that because he is "my boy"? i always thought that i would have boys since i had so many male friends growing up, so when i was very surprised when i had both girls.

my other theory is that maybe i'm more relaxed with this child because it is my third...i've got the newborn and parenting thing down (yeah, right!) but my less-anxious state is transferred to the baby. they can sense these things, i am sure... i just don't get all in a twizzle when he starts to cry lustily in the back seat while i'm driving, at least not like i did with #1.

the last theory, though, that came to me was from a comment my mom made when she was visiting last week. she said he looked so alert and then said "because he was never on any drugs!" and it struck me slowly that, it's true, this is the first baby i had that not only was drug-free at birth, but i have had NO separation from since birth--no interuptions even! is it possible that Georges mellow nature and our record-deep connection stems from the fact that we finally achieved a natural, non-evasive birth and were able to foster the newborn-mama connection exactly the way nature intended?

i'll never really KNOW, and it could of course be a combination of things like most things are...but i wonder and feel deeply that this birth was the purest and most significant event in my life thus far....and its hard to imagine anything topping it! and here he is, the result of this wondrous event, my baby boy, with clear bright eyes, silky beautiful hair, pouty mouth, and darling expressions, who gazes lovingly at me for a good part of my hard to NOT want time to stop. i am soaking it up the best i can..soaking, soaking, soaking......

my mom with baby G

George says to the paparazzi "no more pictures, please!"

i've perfected the newborn high-back carry with makes housework and cooking possible!


UrbanHippieMama said...

you two are so beautiful and in love... it is so magical to witness.

it is so interesting to ponder on why our children are the way they are. I believe pretty much in the "nature" camp: that they come out just as they are, and how we parent them can definitely exacerbate issues they already have, or can really mesh well with their personalities and help them to flourish, but that we don't really change their natural temperaments and personalities. That being said, I do wonder about the drugs that babies get during birth and all of the scary things their bodies go through when there are interventions, and I think those things can definitely have effects that make being a parent of a newborn even harder.

I am so so happy for you that you are having such a blissful and enjoyable babymoon. I am always in awe when I see you looking so radiant and bright-eyed... you are clearly feeling well and so head-over-heels in love. It's almost contagious. ;)

LittleYogini said...

Hello woman! I keep checking in on you since I know I'll be seeing you in a few weeks ;-) I fell in love with your girls and Bre's kids, so I live my momma instincts vicariously through you all.

I love what you said about there being no "good" babies. That is so true. It's one of those things people ask without thinking of what it really implies.

I was a nanny for a woman who had two girls and then had a son. I remember her telling me that other women had told her of the "mother/son bond" but she never understood what they meant. Then when she had her son she said she fell in love in a way that was just different and really deep.

I'm so happy for you and I can't wait to meet your George. He is TOO cute. I love those lips and that hair.

See you soon!!

Amy said...

Well it all makes sense!

It's a beautiful thing to see a mommy so in love!!! :D

leahsmom said...

It brought tears to my eyes to see the picture of me holding baby George. Moments like those pass so quickly and I think its awesome to have technology to communiicate from such a distance, and Leah I have to thank you for keeping us all up to date on your feelings and thoughts. I am honored to be your mom and grandma to Mayan Isadore and George.

Hedro said...

You know? I had the same experience with Ruby, and honestly? I don't know if it was that she was just a different baby, that I was different as a mom at that time, or if it had to do with the drug-free birth. I have my suspicions that it probably had a lot to do with all of the above.

Every experience is different, and I think the reason they are, is so we remember them individually.

He is so amazingly beautiful. I can't wait to meet him, when you are ready, of course! :)


SUV MAMA said...

He is adorable. And I thought the picture of your Mom was YOU until I actually read the caption. Amazing!

I had the same natural birth high after my 2nd was born.

Although my high was also "I can't WAIT to do this again! WHOO HOO!". LOL! I was so, so grateful to have the opportunity for a connection that came so easily and so naturally when I had to work so hard to achieve and maintain that connection with my first (who was premature and born after extreme measures were used).

I totally believe that parenting a newborn is off to a much smoother start when you are so connected and there is no barrier from interventions- however necessary and lifesaving they can be.

And maybe there is that mysterious and awe inspiring mother-son bond happening. Whatever it is, I'm so happy for you!

Nicole Homel-Tellier said...

I have to comment. I only have one child, and only expect to have the one. My birth story has amazing wonderful moments in it, but the c-section was not what I had truely hoped for (but have made peace with it), and I have not made peace with the breast feeding issues i faced.
With this said...I have to say, that I think drugs do have impact on the infant, but each mother and child are different. The nurses were SHOCKED at how alert and present Thurston was at the time of his birth, dispite the drugs given to me for the c-section (although I did not have any drugs previous to the c-section). Our connection was instantatious, when my close girlfriend (who was also my obgyn) held him up for me to see. Both Jay and I were(and still are) in total awe at the completeness and intenseness of the love/connection we felt with this tiny human. I am not going to lie, a c-section isn't the best way to start things off, but...we connected and have stayed connected.
My point being.. although I completely believe and support home births, I think what you are experiencing can be achieved in a less than perfect scenario, and I would want to put that out there, as sometimes things don't always go as planned.
Although I am not sure that it is true for everybody, I do think that for me, the yin/yang of mother/son has contributed heavily to my connection with Thurston. At 2 I am even more in love than the first day I saw him.
I am so happy that you were able to have this amazing experience, and to be able to let other people know about it! Women and Men, Mothers and Fathers need to know that it can happen successfully!
As Always-Love

LA RN said...

from my own point of view, spending time with the family this past week... George is super mellow. He is content and does seem to calm at the sound of your voice. Drug thing or not? Possible... I wouldn't doubt it. But he also has his own personality as well as a mom who is more relaxed and less "anxious" at his crying and more in tune with his needs.

And I also agree, George is not a "good" baby. He is a baby. That's it. There is no good or bad.

And I loved watching you teach and love the girls while you carried George around in his sling. Him no more, or less, important than them.