George and I....me and George. what can i say...we love each other. last week i was sitting my rocking chair with tears welling in my eyes, so full of love and thinking "does he love me as much as i love him??" but its clear.....the feeling is mutual. it seems even my smell comforts him. he is a very mild-mannered baby up to this point. i think all temperments of babies are "good' and should be respected (i think the question "is he a good baby?" is ludacris.....some babies are high-need and others are less high-need but one is not more "good" than the other.) but George has surprised me. the way he acted in the womb worried me: very responsive and seemingly rambunctious--i thought FOR SURE he was going to give Mayan run for her money. but i think i mistook the "responsiveness" for high energy. when infact he is so-far very responsive just to me. he doesn't fuss much, but when he does get upset, its like zero to 60 in no time flat--just quiet to suddenly crazy wailing. but all i have to do is pick him up and he immediately soothes. he tolerates others holding him for a little bit, but will get fussy and again, quiets immediately when i take him. none of my other babies were ever this responsive to my presence/touch. i can easily put him to sleep with some strokes on the head or just being snuggled in my arms. the girls needed so much more work! Mayan demanded boob almost constantly and would cry bloody murder if you took the nipple out of her mouth or put her down even in a deep sleep. Isadore was easier to put down and would fall asleep on her own early on, but still was a mystery in the evenings during what many families call "happy hour"--that 2 hour evening period of unconsolable crying that had no explanation. knock on wood, George is just really chill and we are very connected, i feel, much deeper and sooner than i felt with the girls. i mean, i was IN LOVE with the girls as newborns and could not stop gazing at them....maybe my memory fades, but it feel so deep with my new boy.
is that because he is "my boy"? i always thought that i would have boys since i had so many male friends growing up, so when i was very surprised when i had both girls.
my other theory is that maybe i'm more relaxed with this child because it is my third...i've got the newborn and parenting thing down (yeah, right!) but my less-anxious state is transferred to the baby. they can sense these things, i am sure... i just don't get all in a twizzle when he starts to cry lustily in the back seat while i'm driving, at least not like i did with #1.
the last theory, though, that came to me was from a comment my mom made when she was visiting last week. she said he looked so alert and then said "because he was never on any drugs!" and it struck me slowly that, it's true, this is the first baby i had that not only was drug-free at birth, but i have had NO separation from since birth--no interuptions even! is it possible that Georges mellow nature and our record-deep connection stems from the fact that we finally achieved a natural, non-evasive birth and were able to foster the newborn-mama connection exactly the way nature intended?
i'll never really KNOW, and it could of course be a combination of things like most things are...but i wonder and feel deeply that this birth was the purest and most significant event in my life thus far....and its hard to imagine anything topping it! and here he is, the result of this wondrous event, my baby boy, with clear bright eyes, silky beautiful hair, pouty mouth, and darling expressions, who gazes lovingly at me for a good part of my day....it hard to NOT want time to stop. i am soaking it up the best i can..soaking, soaking, soaking......
my mom with baby G