George ramblings as dictated to Mayan

I left Mayan in the car to keep an eye on George while I ran into a store. I handed her a piece of paper and pen and asked her to write down everything Geroge said while I was gone, to keep her busy. This is what she wrote:

*My, Myn=Mayan
*Fairy school=this is what Geo calls his daycare
*Moog=what I call MG, pronounced Moo-j

My*, say what to make. My, make a picture of Gaga. Can I see Lady Gaga? Huh? Build a Alejandro Miss Meatball! I eat a muffin. Huh? Myn, I want to eat a muffin.........(silence for a few minutes).....I like I Dada make it here in time to make the muffins. Gaaaaaaaaaagoooooooo. Helmet to fairy school*. (in song) Grey squirrel, shake your bushy tail....Myn? Are Hot Wheels poopoo doodie?...........(more pause)....Myn, what's that sound? Myn, can you get my muffin out Mom's purse? I WANT A MUFFIN, Moog*, I want Mama. Get please a juice box out box?


I wish I could scan this, Mayan did an amazing job transcribing and it sounds exactly like Geo would talk! We laughed SO HARD when she read it back to me!

how weaning happens

...or at least how it happens with us. even more specifically, with george and me.

i cried last night. a good, hard, had-to-take-off-my-glasses cry. without complete intention, i have just weaned my last baby from the breast. (and i am 99% sure i am done having babies.) only another nursing mother can fully understand what it feels like to nurse your baby for the last time. plus, in this case i didn't know the last time was "the last time." so, now i have this little grief dancing inside my heart, that i know will settle but hurts all the same. i thought this post might help.

i did the math: i have been suckling babies for 6 of the past 8 years, with one period of rest in between. it will feel weird to not have that connection. i've said it a hundred times: nursing, if anything, is a relationship, not just a food source.

mayan nursed like a champ from the minutes she was born, and nursing her into toddlerhood not only seemed like the way SHE was going to have it, but it was important to me, as well, since she had so many food allergies and it took her a while to establish a food-diet that could nourish her. with her, nursing was a valuable tool. to calm her down when she was freaking out, and also to shush her when i needed to talk on the phone. :)

i decided not to cut this relationship short when i became pregnant with isadore. while the milk supply dwindled, she was not deterred. life was going to change dramatically for her when her new sibling arrived, and i didn't need to give her another reason to resent the new baby, by taking away her precious "boobah."

this turned out to be a good decision, when at 35 weeks isadore was induced early. while she was in the NICU and not able to nurse at the breast for her first 10 days, mayan became my "portable breast pump." i'd saved up more milk than isadore would ever be able to drink, but to keep up supply i was instructed to pump every three hours ("just like if you had a nursing newborn..." they said.) mayan went from being able to have a casual conversation with me at the breast to watering eyes and choking trying to keep up with the new flow.

once isadore was able to nurse she latched on like a pro as well, and was so efficient at getting milk from me even as a tiny 4 1/2 pound baby, that she would suck a few times, establish the flow and then lay back a let it ease down her throat with little to no effort. this completely unvalidated the formula the nurses had laid out for me: "about one cc per one minute of sucking." we had to weigh her to verify that in fact, just 10 minutes of weak, sleepy sucking she ingested 45 cc's of milk--a full feeding. we were released for home the next day.

after a few months, just as i had hoped, mayan got the picture that nursing was for "little babies", and gracefully bowed out, at age 2 1/2.

isadore was a mellow child, and a great sleeper so the nursing relationship was not as intense as it was for me and mayan. she had already lost interest at 2 years--slowly tapering off from day feeding so that the go-to-sleep sessions were the last to go--so that's when i had my first break. it was a bitter sweet transition, but deep inside i knew i'd get to have that experience one more time.

enter george-ephraim, 2 years later. his birth was everything i'd dreamed, and was healing and empowering in so many ways. i was a nursing professional now and it took no effort to establish that bond. eat, burp, sleep, eat burp, sleep...constant cycle that i practically did with one hand while i took care of everyone else with the other.

gives a whole new meaning to the word 'buffet'!

on vacation in seattle 2008

previous blog readers and other nursing mothers may know, this is called "NAKing"--nursing at keyboard

george "gettin' some" in the backseat of the car--milk that is

the difference with george, is that i didn't want to use nursing as a calming or quieting tool, but instead just for eating and just for sleeping. so once he grew into a walking, pointing, babbling, food-snacking toddler, i just never sent the message that it was something we did while we were out and about. this made the sleeping feedings oh-so-special. more than special....absolutely divine. we have a white chair in our bedroom that for the last year is where i sat nearly everyday, once in the afternoon and once at night, for george to have his "me-me." this is the word he made up at a few months old, to describe more than just the nursing but the act of me swaddling him in a specific blanket (the "me-me blanket"), binding it with a scarf and then latching on to the breast. (he eventually at age TWO was okay with not being "bound"--the boy LIKES to be restrained! don't get me started thinking about how this will play out as an adult......)

swaddled in the white chair, with his kitty halo, for our daily nap ritual. the image i will carry sweetly within my mind's eye until the day i die.

this routine, like with my other children, became so ingrained that sleeping any other way (besides in the car) became a non-choice. i have always trusted the process and knew from experience that my child would not be a nursing grad-student as many have joked, but that nursing would taper off in the time that was right for our family, around 2 1/2 years.

well, here we are.

i am preparing for a trip to L.A. in november for my 30th birthday, and am leaving the family behind. i know it would be best to have an established bedtime routine for george that doesn't require my breasts, so blake can have an easy time with having all three kids. george already has a bed in his own room so the biggest trick was getting him out of the "white chair" for that moment he drifts off. a few weeks ago, i started to nurse him until he was almost asleep and then i'd pass him to blake, who would carry him to bed with his own whispered papa-words and beardy kisses. this met with little to no resistance. then i began to skip all naps so that when bed time came, george would be very, very sleepy. a few nights ago, on a whim, i told him he could touch and kiss the "me-me" but not nurse it. this met with medium resistance. i let him nurse for 10 seconds then asked for it back, and he obliged, with a look that showed me he thought he'd just gotten away with something delightfully forbidden. then i passed him to dad in his favorite blanket, who had a sippy-cup of warm milk. blake tucked him in, and george got up and wandered in to our room a few times. we alternated tuck-ins until one stuck. i discovered if i stay, and pet his forehead like i did when he was a baby, and sing him a lullaby while his eyes get heavy, he won't get out of bed at all.

today, he seemed like he needed a nap, and i was SO temped after my tearful realization last night to just nurse him one last time. but i knew that we'd already crossed the line into successful weaning, it would only complicate matters to backtrack, so i took him upstairs with some milk and we lay in his bed together. i was doubtful it would work in broad daylight.

george (eyes twinkling with the remembrance of the new routine): "mama, touch me-me?"
me: "sure, you can touch the me-me."
i reached to pull my dress down just a bit for access.
george (every word sounding like a question): "mama? take? bra? off?"
me: "no, buddy, i am not going to take my bra off."


his hand settled into a spot, halfway down into my bra. i hand him his cup of milk. i lay my head down on his pillow and close my eyes, to send the we-are-napping message. the all-symphony station played in the background. he set his cup aside and stared off at the ceiling. i peeked periodically to see the status his eyelids. it took about 4 minutes. i slipped his hand out of my bra, ever so slowly and crept away. then i came down here to write this.

it really is over. on to the next phase.

George-Ephraim Turns Two

George-Ephraim, or Geo, or Georgie Boy, or Vubbie, or The Vubs as he is usually called.....
was born in the wee hours of the morning on April 27th two years ago today,
directly above my head where I type this,
a smooshie-lipped, curly-headed boy
a boy who brings joy
so much joy and love,
more than I could ever imagine one little boy bringing to a family,
yet his joy spreads much farther,
as he offers this joy to everyone he passes,
rosy-red cheeks glowing with delight,
smiles spread like ripples on the mouths of those in his presence...
oh, little boy, thank you for your joy!

Things to know about George, The Two Year Old:

Favorite food: hummus, just straight up with a spoon. the more garlic the better.

Favorite song: Changes by David Bowie

STILL likes to be swaddled to fall asleep. He has a special blanket for this--his "Mi-Mi" blanket which is a fleece Nightmare Before Christmas blanket.

A day is not a day without walking to the mailbox with Papa.

He never fails to say sorry ("Waaah-reee") or thank you (Day Do!") when the occasion arises. In fact he gets irritated if he thanks me for dinner and I don't say "You're welcome."

He loves shoes. Prefers them to bare feet. Walks on his toes if his feet are bare so they won't touch the floor.

If I were to use one word to describe George it would be: delight (he is both delighted at everything around him and delightful to be around.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GEORGIE BOY!!!!!!

georgie gets a haircut

i have no clue how to handle curls. george's tight blond ringlets are turning into ratty, messy dreads, and it takes a lot of work to condition and brush them out every few days. i decided to take him to our regular stylist (rebecca at DO! rad cuts and color on SE 39th) and try my best to keep him still while she did her thing. honestly i didn't have to do anything, he gripped a teething biscuit and was so fascinated by the salon happenings around him that he sat still for 1/2 hour giving rebecca time to obsess on each lock. she told me how she never gets to spend much time on kids hair b/c they are wiggly, but georgie sat like a little man. and the best part is that the hair doesn't look much shorter, its still bouncy ringlets but there is less length so that means less tangles. i love my baby boy!

(ps all photos taken on my super awesome iPhone!!)

georgie's bedroom

so the other night george falling asleep in his playroom, it seems was not a fluke. the past few nights i've nursed him in my room, then layed him down in the playroom on top of a cushy sleeping bag and he's fallen asleep on his own within ten minutes. no swaddling (this boy must have set record for the oldest swaddled-at-night baby), no screaming....just a milky kiss and a good night, and i don't hear from him again until 8 in the morning, when he wanders into the bedroom saying "Mah? Mah?" or today blake went in to his room and he was just waking up and he sat up and pointed to his sleepy spot and said "night-night"

its weird. blake and i check on him a few times during the night--we've never had a baby out of the bed this soon! and while part of me is a little sad since i know this will be our last baby, it also feels good to have it happen so naturally. through all three kids i've had YEARS of night nursing and snuggling...and toddler kicks to the face, to feel satisfied in the face of this change.

today we picked up a mattress that daena and oliver donated to us and we set it up so now the playroom is officially a bedroom, and it was a pretty sweet moment. everyone brought in something to make it homey, like a dolly and a stuffed tiger, then georgie pretended to be sleeping. it was hilarious. i love my little boy!








*********thank you for the mattress D and O, its perfect!

six hands are louder than two

i've got a big post brewing for tomorrow about fashion and isadore. so here's just a little something to fill todays slot.....

when they are old and i'm older

i was trying to capture a baby-eats-lime moment, and ended up with a classic slice of life. we don't film our children very often ever since our video camera died years ago, and this made me remember how precious that footage can be. and while its not the most exciting footage ever, something like this will bring endless smiles and tears years down the road, when i can't believe that my babies were ever babies.

meet prince and princess snottyface

saturday is isadore and george's day to keep each other entertained, and last saturday they both had to same snotty, sneezy cold. now that george is old enough to actively play with the girls (or at least be dressed up and forced to play) he finds himself in all sorts of roles. isadore convinced me to put this shirt on him, over the fleece jacket he was already wearing, so the result, all you seinfeld fans, looked much like the infamous "puffy shirt." aren't they a comical pair.....too bad you can't see the crusty snot smears on their faces, that was the cutest part.

here, prince geo looks like he's relieving himself in the royal bushes:

officially over it, despite the princess' pleas

sunday, in two parts

part one: father's day, in downtown pdx

hello hulk

we finally visited portland's only jewish deli, kenny and zuke's

quick stop at buffalo exchange

taken by blake

blake has a car now, makes life much easier. isadore helped wash it that afternoon...

part two: chemynne's 40th birthday at mt. tabor park

c's friend from ny, kat, and her partner, parker, had just flown in, plus daena and oliver came (with some big news!!!)--the happy group shot

the pointer

a birthday kiss from athena to mama

swingin'

a solisticy moment

blowing out the candles on the brownies--happy birthday, c!

i love this sweet moment

taking the girls to the bathroom on their brownie high

nomad week (or two) in review

last weekend (the one before memorial day) we visited the beach that is most directly west of us, Ecola Beach in Cannon Beach. look how big and handsome this boy is getting! he pretty much ate sand and threw fits everytime we saved him from face-planting in the tide pools--he's officially a toddler!


they have great tidepools there; plenty of starfish and anenomes...it was little chilly but it didn't stop the girls from wearing their swim suits...
then last wednesday, blake was invited to lecture at the portland bead society. we came along for support--it went great! blake had those ladies rollin' and everyone gushed over the kids.
he spoke about bead use in tribal culture, and brought many examples from africa mostly, although he also talked about pre-columbian examples, native american, and asian. after the talk people were able to look closely at the jewelry and the maasai book, asked him questions, shared their own stories.
the next day i took mayan out the our second Homeschool Day at the evergreen space museum in mcminnville. they host homeschool kids from 9:30 to 2 with a lecture, workshops, and games all focused around one theme--this time it was astronomy. here is the big inflatable planetarium she is about to go into.
so i have recently read this book about the effect of anxious parents on their growing children. at first i poo-poohed it, but as i read further it made a lot of sense. i started to realize that the kids need more experiences without blake and i hovering over them. especially mayan who is old enough now to figure out many things on her own, and needs to know that she can problem-solve, and succeed in new situations without her ever-present attachment figures. its time for us to be that "voice in her head" or image in her mind, after the many years of nurturing. so in that vein, since she'd been to one of these before, i let her do the day on her own, only meeting her for lunch break. when i told her i would be doing this she hugged my legs and said "thank you thank you thank you...i am going to feel like such a BIG KID!" she had a blast, but when i went to pick her up, with my newfound focus on de-hovering, i saw this and had to take a picture: nearly every child had parent at their side, jumping in and assisting with every craft and activity. last time that was ME!
so to continue this, the day after i sent mayan into trader joes by herself to pickup her special rice bread (it was the only thing i needed there.) she was so jazzed about it--i gave her instructions which she focused on intently then set her off on her mission while i stayed outside with the kids. here she comes running back with her bag of bread.
oh, the look (and feel) of success! i have noticed mayan's confidence growing, and myself have been more aware of my shift toward clinging to the idea of "my babies" and my resistance to them getting older, and being able to find joy in my children becoming more independent. it's been a very positve shift for me and blake to make.

here is mayan working at her bead shop on a custom order from myself. she and blake built a special store-front for her business and she is open saturdays, noon to six. she is building quite a customer base....an entrepeneur like her dad!

sweet George, his hair get more and more delicious every day!
blake organized his office this weekend and gave some attention to his special Star Trek room...looking very good! (i HAVE mentioned this room before, haven't I?)

fast-forward to today...today was about beauty and organization. i wandered into my sewing room and began sorting through the many boxes of clothing.....and suddenly my whole day had past. the kids clothes are sorted: baby items, girls stuff size 6 months to 3 years, girls stuff size 4-6, and finally a box for George clothes, and also items to be returned to other people. i discovered soem things i had not seen in a very long time, especially some great vintage pieces--for those that don't know have a pretty huge vintage clothing collection, although most of which i will not ever be able to wear again unless i lose thirty pounds...i am clinging to the clothes, as i cling to the hope!

the roses are blooming and i made this lovely arrangement for our table.
last night i tried to make hamburger buns from scratch but sof course, i struggled with the yeast and they did not rise properly, so they turned out like denser mini-buns. tasty though! for lunch today i used them to make tuna sliders. cute, huh?